Adjusting to life after cancer is not as easy as "getting back to normal" although that's what I thought would happen. When I finished chemo I was all ready to celebrate, the hardest part was over and I wanted to see friends and family that I hadn't seen for months to mark this milestone. Although I felt ok, pleased chemo was over I was still suffering from fatigue. Then within a couple of weeks I was back at hospital having my radiotherapy. My radiotherapy treatment went quickly and I was done, active treatment was complete and has given me the best chance of living my life.
Since my radiotherapy ended I've been struggling with post treatment life, my body is still feeling the effects of treatment plus an early menopause and it's all taking it's toll mentally. I'm very much battered and bruised, the only way I can describe it is as if I have been chewed up and spat back out. On the outside I probably look fine and people tend to think that now treatment is done everything is normal. It's a little more complicated than that, the mind is complex and going through cancer is something nobody expects to go through, even though sadly it is so common.
Gradually I'm getting better and I'm finding I can get back to everyday things. Things are not normal, I still have very little hair, my nails are weak and I've lost a few from the after effects of chemo. On a positive note my energy levels are better and I've managed to get back into my fav jeans! Small wins! I need to accept that this recovery is another part of the process and will take time.